Jealousy is a nasty thing. What starts off as a simple observation about what someone else has or is doing can quickly fester into something that changes the way you feel about yourself and others around you. The worst part about jealousy is that it’s such a natural human emotion. If you have children or you’re around small children, you don’t have to look any farther than the playpen to see jealousy at work. When there is one toddler in the playpen with a toy, he or she is completely content with what they’ve got. However, if you introduce a second toddler who comes with his or her own toy, the first toy is suddenly not good enough. Instead, the first toddler usually goes on a full-blown mission to get the new toy away from the new kid. In fact, you may notice that the second child suddenly discards their toy to try to get the first toy. Are either of the two toys bad? No. However, human instinct motivates us to want what we don’t have, often at the expense of what we do.
The concept of jealousy isn’t new. In fact, it was the motive behind the world’s first murder. In Genesis 4, we read about Cain and Abel, the first two sons of Adam and Eve. Both of them brought a sacrifice to God. Abel brought the best of his flock of sheep while Cain brought a portion of his harvest. The problem was, Cain didn’t bring God his best, instead bringing him the scraps. God accepted Abel’s offering but had no interest in what Cain had leftover. When all was said and done, the Bible says that Cain “was very angry and his face fell” (Genesis 4:5). In a fit of jealous rage, Cain rose up against his brother and murdered him in the field (Genesis 4:8). Why? Because jealousy will cause you to do things that you never imagined you’d do.
So what is jealousy, what are the dangers of it and how do we avoid it? God’s Word provides plenty of answers to those questions.
What is Jealousy?
According to Webster’s Dictionary, to be “jealous” means to “feel or show envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.” God knew that humans would struggle with this concept, which is why he incorporated jealousy into the Ten Commandments.
Exodus 20:17 (ESV)
“You shall not covet your neighbors house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”
Jealousy, or coveting comes from a place of a desire to have something that is not yours to have. This doesn’t mean that it’s sinful to want a nicer home or a newer car. God is telling His people that they shouldn’t want something that belongs to someone else. That rule still applies today. Additionally, it’s poor stewardship to sink yourself into insurmountable debt in order to “keep up with the Joneses.”
At its core, jealousy is the human attempt at telling God that what He has given us is no longer good enough. James 1:17 teaches us that every good thing in our life comes directly from God. Your job (even on its bad days), your home, your vehicle, your family, your friends, every good thing in your life comes from God. When we allow jealousy to take over, we tell God that His good gifts aren’t good enough for us anymore. That is why jealousy is sinful.
What Are the Dangers of Jealousy?
Proverbs 14:30 (ESV)
A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.
Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived penned some very powerful words about jealousy. A tranquil, peaceful heart provides life to the body. When you are satisfied and content, you will actually notice that you feel different. Conversely, jealousy “makes the bones rot” according to Solomon. There are actual physical side effects to living a life full of envy and jealousy. When you are satisfied with what you have, your mind is at peace which has a direct impact on your body. Conversely, when you are so hyper-focused on what others have that you’re lacking, you will notice that your mental state has a negative impact on your physical wellbeing.
This verse has actually been confirmed by modern medical research. According to a study published by the University of Rochester Medical Center, jealousy triggers areas of your brain that cause you to experience stress, anxiety and anger. The physical side effects associated with those feelings range anywhere from diminished sleep quality to ulcers. Thousands of years before there was medical research on the health effects of jealousy, Solomon already knew.
Additionally, we don’t have to look further than the aforementioned story of Cain and Abel to find out the dangers of jealousy. Even if you don’t plot the death of someone that you’re jealous of, jealousy will eat your relationships from the inside out. People who you once considered friends suddenly become enemies in your eyes once you allow jealousy to get a foothold in your life.
The ramifications of jealousy are serious. God knew that which is why His first list of ten basic commandments ended with the importance of avoiding jealousy. Not only can it harm your body, but it can destroy relationships.
How to Avoid Jealousy
Philippians 4:11 (ESV)
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
If anyone had a right to be jealous of others, it was the Apostle Paul. The man who penned roughly two-thirds of the New Testament is known as hero of the Christian faith. However, he went through unimaginable hardships to earn that title. He was beaten multiple times, arrested, abandoned by friends, shipwrecked, snake bitten and stoned on multiple occasions. Paul actually penned his letter to the Philippian church while he was in prison for preaching the Gospel.
Yet Paul refused to be jealous of others who were living a much simpler life. This is the same man who wrote that we should “give thanks in all things” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Paul provided the best road map imaginable for avoiding jealousy. Be content in all states and in all things give thanks.
What does that look like for us? Being content in all states means that you’re satisfied with what you have even when someone else obtains something nicer. Being content with what you have means that you thank God for the job that He has blessed you with even when someone else gets the promotion you were eyeing. That’s not to say that you don’t accept a better job elsewhere if God provides one, but it means that you don’t view the person who received the promotion as your enemy.
Additionally, avoiding jealousy starts with possessing an attitude of thanksgiving. When you are genuinely thankful for the things you have, there is no room for jealousy to make a home in your heart. It is pushed out by your attitude of gratitude.
Once you allow the Holy Spirit to help you identify areas in your life where there is room for jealousy to creep in, you can rely on Him to help you suppress those feelings. God has blessed each of us beyond anything that we ever deserved. Is it sinful to want more for yourself and your family? No. However, the motivation behind that desire is what matters to God. You are not in competition with your neighbor. What they have is theirs. God promises multiple times to provide for all of the needs of His people. Embracing a mindset of contentment can help ensure that you do not fall prey to the harmful side effects of jealousy.
A Closing Prayer:
God, thank You for everything that You have blessed me with. I know every good thing in my life is a gift directly from You. Help me to focus on what I have and not what I’m lacking. Please, let the Holy Spirit show me areas in my life where discontentment could creep in. I’m thankful and I am grateful. In Christ’s name, Amen