Parenting is hard. Even when you’re child is a baby, it’s difficult to juggle the demands of work, home and caring for a living being who is unable to do anything for themselves. When that baby becomes a toddler (hello, terrible twos), things get even harder. Now you’re trying to fulfill all of your daily responsibilities while making sure that your suddenly mobile child doesn’t climb something, run somewhere or fall off of something that’s going to hurt them. Your child’s entry into the school system brings about peer pressure, bullies and all sorts of other issues. However, there is nothing that prepares you for the struggles associated with navigating the choppy waters of parenting a teenager.
Teenagers, while still a blessing from God, are difficult. There’s no other way to put it. Teenagers, with their raging hormones, developing frontal lobes and personalities, and constantly shifting attitudes are difficult to deal with at times. Don’t forget, you too were once a teenager and it’s safe to assume that your parents spent some time wondering what they were going to do about you.
Teenage rebellion is a tale as old as time. However, as a Christian parent who is seeking to raise their child the way that God would have you to, it’s important that you understand how to handle this rebellion in a way that points your child to a relationship with Christ.
Understanding That Rebellion is Natural
Romans 5:12 (TPT)
When Adam sinned, the entire world was affected. Sin entered human experience, and death was the result. And so death followed this sin, casting its shadow over all humanity, because all have sinned.
Paul relates the natural, sinful condition of all humans back to Adam’s decision to rebel against God in the garden. The first sin was an act of open rebellion. God had put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and gave them one rule: not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. When Satan manipulated Eve into eating the fruit and she gave it to Adam who also ate, humanity had rebelled against God and a natural sinful condition was thrust upon all of us.
At the heart of your teenager’s rebellion is the fact that he or she truly believes that they know what’s best for their lives. While that may seem like a maddening concept to you, it’s crucial that you understand that this pride-driven line of thinking is a consequence of what Adam and Eve did in Eden.
There is also a certain amount of scientific facts that can’t be ignored during this time in your child’s life. In addition to the inward battle between the fleshly desires and the spiritual truths that you raised them with, puberty brings about chemical fluctuations that can cloud your teen’s way of thinking. When your teen lashes out at you in a rebellious moment, it is perfectly acceptable that you put repercussions in place. God disciplines those that He loves (Hebrews 12:6) and Godly parents do the same thing. However, it’s vital that you keep a proper perspective on your teen’s rebellion and continue to offer them the same love and grace that your Heavenly Father extends to you during your moments of sinful rebellion.
Recognizing rebellion as natural does not mean that you view it as acceptable. Instead, it means that you view your teen’s rebellion as a side effect of the fallen nature that has hindered all of humanity since the dawn of time.
Show Them Love
Romans 8:5 (AMP)
But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
When your teenager is trying to navigate their way through flawed thinking, shifting hormones and all of the other pressures associated with life as a teenager, it’s not uncommon for them to view you as the enemy. In many cases, your teenager may feel like you’re “old fashioned,” “judgmental,” and “controlling.” While you may not be able to completely eradicate those thought patterns, you can ensure that you aren’t giving your teenager any logical reason to think that.
As soon as you reached the age where you were able to tell the difference in right and wrong, your natural inclination was to do wrong. In 1 John 1:8, John said, “if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” However, your Heavenly Father loved you in spite of that naturally wicked nature.
In the same vein, we are called to extend love and understanding to our rebellious teenagers. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul says that we should not provoke our children to anger. This doesn’t mean that we don’t instruct them, discipline them and correct them. Instead, it speaks to the fact that we aren’t supposed to abuse our position of authority over them. When an opportunity for correction presents itself, that correction should be presented in love.
When you mess up, God doesn’t scream at you, berate and belittle you. Instead, He gently guides you back to the truth of His Word. In the same way, we are supposed to gently guide our children back to the truths that we have instilled in them from the time that they were children. When you show your child that you truly love and care for them, you can begin to tear down the ideology that you are controlling, domineering and judgmental.
Spend Less Time Talking to Others and More Time Talking to God
Philippians 4:6-7 (TPT)
Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ.
Let’s put a disclaimer here. There is nothing wrong with discussing your parenting struggles with trusted friends, family members, pastors and others who you have confidence in. However, you shouldn’t look to those people to be your source of peace in the middle of teenage rebellion. When you talk to other people, you get human advice. There are times where human advice is great. It may even be Godly advice. However, it is no substitute for the counsel of God which He offers directly to His people.
Don’t get so caught up in going to other people for advice that you forget to be “saturated in prayer.” If you talk to five different people about the struggles you’re experiencing with your teenager, you’re going to get five different pieces of advice. That can be confusing and may leave you feeling like you’re being “pulled in different directions.”
Every problem that we’re facing, including those that involve the rebellion of a teenage child is a concern to God. When you pray, God stops everything else going on around Him and listens to you. His word promises that “His eyes are over the righteous and His ears are open to their cries” (Psalm 34:15). With that in mind, the ability to take your parenting worries to Him should bring a great deal of relief.
Parenting teenagers brings about a lot of questions. Trying to decide how to handle the various situations that come up is taxing. However, look at the promise at the end of this verse from Paul’s letter to the Philippian church: “He will make the answers known to you through Christ Jesus.” When you’ve got questions, God’s got answers.
There is no perfect way to parent a rebellious teenager. Fortunately, God doesn’t expect us to get it perfect all the time. If that was His expectation, we would all be in trouble! Instead, God extends us grace for the moment and wisdom for each situation. It’s our responsibility to accept what God extends and extend the same things to our teenagers, no matter how rebellious they are.
A Closing Prayer:
God, you know that I feel like I’m reaching the end of my rope while trying to parent my teen. I love him/her, but I feel like my love is not enough as they continue to defy and disobey. God, minister directly to them and use me to show them Your love. In Christ’s name, Amen.