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How Can I Be More Forgiving to Those Around Me?

5 Mins read

Forgiveness is hard. When someone does something that hurts us, whether it’s physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, we often put up a wall of unforgiveness. However, God’s Word is clear about His forgiveness toward us and the way that He expects us to forgive others. But how can you be more forgiving to those around you?

Forgiveness is a tricky thing. When someone who you once trusted betrays you, how do you strike the balance between forgiving them and protecting yourself from future hurt. As humans, we all have a natural tendency to protect ourselves. From the time that we’re born, we do everything we can to protect ourselves from hurt, discomfort and anything unpleasant.

Does forgiving someone mean that you let them back into your life in the same capacity that they were in before? Is it possible to be too forgiving? What happens if you forgive someone and they hurt you just as badly, if not worse than they did before? Is it possible to protect yourself from future hurt while still extending the kind of forgiveness that Christ expects His people to extend?

With so many questions surrounding the idea of forgiveness, it can seem confusing. However, God’s Word abounds with truths about forgiveness, God’s idea of what forgiveness is, and the way that He expects His children to display forgiveness to those around them.

If you feel yourself harboring bitterness, or even hatred, toward someone who has mistreated you in the past, ask the Holy Spirit to minister directly to you concerning Godly forgiveness and what it looks like in action. You may just find yourself freed from the heaviness of bitterness and poised to take the next step in your life.

What Forgiveness Isn’t
Romans 12:17-18 (ESV)

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Paul’s letter to the Roman Church is often referred to as the “Constitution of Christianity.” The book is full of foundational truths that can are the necessary building blocks for everyone’s Christian life. In this verse, Paul addressed the issues that can arise when one of God’s people has been mistreated by someone else.

Remember how we discussed humanity’s natural tendency to protect ourselves? We also have a natural inclination towards revenge. When you were a child and someone took a toy that you were playing with out of your hands, what did you do? You grabbed it back! Revenge is natural. However, when we accept Christ as our Savior and submit to the Holy Spirit, we put away natural inclinations. Instead, we are led by the Spirit.

Paul’s definition of forgiveness in these verses is powerful, especially when you look at what he doesn’t say forgiveness is. Forgiveness doesn’t always equate to trust.

If someone has mistreated you, lied about you, abused you, or caused you some kind of hurt, forgiving them doesn’t mean that you bring them back into your life. Instead, the command to “live peaceably with all” if it’s possible means that you don’t spend your life plotting revenge. Instead, you acknowledge what was done, move on with your life, while not seeking to destroy the offending party. Forgiveness is not trust.

So now, let’s dive into how to display Godly forgiveness.

Failure to Forgive Can Hinder Our Relationship with God
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

This verse seems like an odd discussion of forgiveness, as it mentions remembering that your brother has something against you. However, the point of the verse isn’t about who is mad at who. Instead, it focuses on the importance of reconciliation.

The concept of “offering your gift at the altar” spoke to the way that things worked during Biblical times. During worship, people would bring sacrifices to the high priest. Today, our gifts are much different. Our worship is a gift to God.

This verse means that before we get into a state of worship, we should make sure that there are no unaddressed issues between us and other members of the family of God. If there are, address those. Reconcile them if it’s possible, and then return to offering your gift. Failure to do so can damage our relationship with the Father.

Offering Forgiveness Allows Us to Receive Forgiveness
Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV)

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

In the next section of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gave us an even deeper insight to the importance of extending forgiveness. In this passage, Jesus explained that forgiveness is a cause-and-effect proposition. Cause and effect is simple: if I do X, then Y will happen. If I don’t do X, then Y will not happen.

It’s also worth noting here that Jesus didn’t mince words. Instead, He was very clear about the ramifications of not offering forgiveness. If we forgive others, God will forgive us. If we don’t, He will withhold His forgiveness!

That’s a pretty startling revelation. However, if you find yourself struggling to forgive, it’s a good point to remember. If you don’t forgive those who have hurt you, God will not forgive you.

Forgiveness Is Not Optional
Luke 17:3-4 (ESV)

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.

“You must forgive him.” Again, Christ didn’t speak cryptically or metaphorically in these verses. Instead, He got right to the point when dealing with the importance of forgiveness.

There are a lot of things that we deal with today that aren’t in the Bible. People widely debate topics that the Bible never explicitly discusses. Generally, we address those issues by encouraging people to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance about the topic and use other verses as a sort of barometer. However, forgiveness is never mentioned as something that’s optional.

Forgiveness is a commandment. In the same way that the Ten Commandments of Exodus 20 are still used as a list of things that God does not want His people to do, Christ’s command to forgive in Luke 17:3-4 is plain. He said, “you must forgive him.”

There is nothing in Scripture that indicates that forgiveness is optional. In fact, the exact opposite is stated time after time. How can we better embrace the idea of forgiving others? By standing on the truth of Scripture and understanding that forgiveness is not a suggestion, it is a commandment!

Forgiveness will never be easy. In fact, quite the contrary is true. If you grew up with siblings, you may have experienced times where you would fight, and your parents would force you to hug one another and make up. Neither of you were excited about the forced apology. However, you knew that it wasn’t an option.

Ideally, we would all extend forgiveness to others as freely as God has extended it to us. However, we don’t live in an ideal world. Quite the contrary, actually. We live in a fallen world with fallen people who are prone to hurt one another. However, we can embrace the idea of forgiveness by understanding that forgiving others is the key to communing with God, receiving His forgiveness, and living according to the teachings of Christ.

A Closing Prayer:
God, we both know that I struggle with forgiveness. The hurts that I have experienced have left me feeling closed off, angry, and perhaps even a little bitter. But I know that You can change me. God, remind me of the importance of extending forgiveness to others if I want to receive forgiveness from You. Help me to live my life in a way that pleases You, even when it’s not easy. In Christ’s name, Amen.

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