First of all, congratulations on your engagement! The process of planning a wedding, while stressful, can be one of the most exciting times in your life. As your family and friends gather around you to help you set your wedding plans into motion, you’re undoubtedly experiencing a great deal of excitement as you and your future spouse work to make sure that everything is exactly like you want it to be.
While planning your wedding is a wonderful experience, it’s also crucial that you go ahead and start planning for your marriage. The commitment that you are about to make is one that is meant to last a lifetime. When you stand in front of the attendees of your wedding and make your vows, the goal is for those vows to be the promises that keep you and your spouse together until death parts you.
Long before a house or a building is constructed, the foundation is laid. Without a solid foundation, the newly constructed building will be in constant danger of collapsing, ending in complete disaster. In the same vein, your marriage needs to have a firm foundation from the beginning. Foundations for buildings are deep in the ground and filled in with heavy, reliable materials that ensure the building can withstand storms. Similarly, your marriage should have a foundation that is deeply rooted in the truth of God’s Word. There will be storms, but if your marriage has a solid foundation, it can withstand them all.
If you’re looking for ways to put a firm foundation in place for your upcoming marriage, be sure to look into God’s Word and rely on His truths.
Proactive vs. Reactive
Song of Songs 2:15 (TPT)
You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little doxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.
The Song of Songs (referred to as the Song of Solomon in some translations) is a beautiful love story between a man and his bride. The entire book is an analogy for the relationship between Christ (the groom) and His Church (the bride). In verse 15, we get another analogous picture of the couple trying to keep foxes out of the vineyard.
There is a lot to unpack here, beginning with the fact that foxes are small, sneaky animals that can do a lot of damages. In this verse, the groom says that these foxes will ruin the budding vineyard of love. In your upcoming marriage, it’s important that you protect against the seemingly small issues. Why? Because small issues quickly turn into something much larger. A small fox on its own isn’t much to worry about. However, that small fox can do a lot of damage to a budding vineyard. In the same way, you and your future spouse should commit to solving small issues before they turn into something larger. This comes through open and honest communication and the ability to recognize your own faults.
Additionally, look at how the verse ends: “Will you remove them for me? We will do it together.” In order for you and your future spouse to commit to working together to solve issues before they turn into something significant. It’s vital that the removal of even the smallest of “foxes” is a team effort so you can both build upon the foundation that you’re laying before the wedding.
Establishing Good Habits Early
Matthew 6:33 (ESV)
So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom and the righteousness that proceeds from him. Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly.
The habits that you form now will have a direct impact on the long-term success of your marriage. Even though you are not yet married, there is a good chance that you and your fiancé already spend a great deal of time together. That’s a wonderful thing, as it’s a good sign that you already want to spend time with one another. However, it’s crucial that you establish Godly habits now that will lay the groundwork for what you will do once you are married.
According to studies, a habit can be formed in as little as 18 days. In order for that habit to form in a little over two weeks, you will have to act intuitionally. However, the long-term benefits can be incredible if you make the decision to make seeking God and His kingdom a habit. What does this look like in practice?
Start by spending time everyday reading the Bible together and praying together. The time that you spend with your future spouse reading the Bible doesn’t have to be multiple hours (even though it’s certainly OK if it is). The same can be said of a daily prayer routine. When you commit a certain period of time every day to studying God’s Word and seeking Him in prayer, it will quickly become a habit for you and the person you’re going to marry. Jesus promised that when we make seeking God a priority, God will add other blessings to our lives.
It’s also a good idea to get in the habit of attending a local church. This can be challenging for some newlyweds, especially if they both have a history of attending a certain church. If you don’t have such a history, simply find a church that you’re comfortable at and begin attending regularly. Make it a habit. If you both have your own home churches, consider rotating Sundays. It doesn’t matter where you go to church, but it does matter that you attend. Being connected to a local body of believers is crucial, especially for a newly married couple. Not only does this help you grow in your knowledge of God’s Word but connecting with other Christians can give you an added source of advice when you find yourself needing some direction.
Spend Time Planning Your Marriage
Luke 14:28-30 (TPT)
So don’t follow me without considering what it will cost you. For who would construct a house before first sitting down to estimate the cost to complete it? Otherwise he may lay the foundation and not be able to finish. The neighbors will ridicule him, saying, ‘Look at him! He started to build but couldn’t complete it!’
Planning your wedding is exciting, but it’s actually more important that you spend time planning your marriage. Earlier, we discussed the importance of being proactive as opposed to reactive. This point builds upon that principle. Jesus said that before His disciples followed Him, they should count the cost. In the same way, before you get married, you should count the cost and begin putting a plan in place.
Spend time before your wedding and discuss how things are going to work with your spouse. What kind of budget are you going to rely on? According to Christian financial expert Dave Ramsey, financial arguments are the second-leading cause of divorce. Having discussions about finances before marriage is a crucial step in ensuring that you don’t experience any money fights after the wedding.
While there will be parts of your marriage that force you to adapt on the fly, it’s a good idea to have some concrete plans in place. Having discussions about spending habits, when you want to have children, if you want to have children and other details before your wedding puts you in a position to avoid harmful fights while cutting down on the amount of stress that you and your future spouse may experience later.
A Closing Prayer:
God, thank You for the relationship that I’m in and the fact that You have brought us together. Help us to keep You first in every decision that we make regarding our marriage. Help us to seek You and Your kingdom first in everything that we do. I ask that You help us to remember the love that we have for one another, even when things become complicated. In Christ’s name I ask these things, Amen.