How to Build a Godly Marriage That Stands the Test of Time

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On the day that you and your spouse stood in front of friends, family members, and God, said your vows, and pledged to love one another for the rest of your lives, divorce was the furthest thing from your minds. No one goes into a marriage with an eye towards dissolving it. However, life happens, mistakes get made, and tragically, many marriages end in divorce. If you are looking for a way to secure your marriage and build a Godly union, the Bible provides insight into how to make that dream a reality.

Take a moment and think back to your wedding day. Whether you had a quick ceremony at a local courthouse, a quaint ceremony with a handful of friends and family, or a extravagant celebration of your love for your spouse with hundreds of guests, there was one thing that you weren’t thinking about that day: what happens if this marriage ends?

No one goes into a marriage thinking about the threat of divorce. You may have heard it said that 50% of marriages end in divorce. In a recent study published by Time Magazine, that statistic was refuted, and it was reported that the number is closer to 39%. While that’s certainly a relief, 39% of marriages is still a higher number than anyone would like to see.


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Marriages end for a variety of reasons. Some couples are faced with the pain of a partner not being faithful, while others end over financial stress, constant bickering, abuse, or any other number of issues.

Obviously, no one wants their marriage to end. Tragically, many couples don’t take the steps to make a change in their marriage until it’s too late, lawyers have been called, and papers are filed. You and your spouse can take the steps today to secure your marriage. Taking these steps is not an admission that your marriage is in trouble, but if you believe it is, it’s not too late. Through a commitment to prayer, God’s Word, and one another, you and your spouse can create a marriage that is built to last.

Identifying Threats to Trust

James 1:19-20 (TPT)
My dearest brothers and sisters, take this to heart: Be quick to listen, but slow to speak. And be slow to become angry, for human anger is never a legitimate tool to promote God’s purpose

It may seem odd to say that we’re going to discuss the threats to trust in a marriage and then read a passage of Scripture that discusses anger, but the two concepts actually go hand in hand. When trust in a marriage, or any other relationship is broken, anger is a natural byproduct.

Perhaps you, your spouse, or both of you have invited some threats to trust into your marriage. A threat to trust doesn’t have to include an extramarital affair. While that’s certainly one threat to the trust that you need in your marriage, it’s not the only one. Lies about money are a common trust killer in marriages. Moreover, if you don’t know how to handle conflict in your marriage (and there will be conflict), you’re inviting threats to trust into your home.

How do you handle the conflicts that are a natural part of marriage? If you “clam up,” refuse to speak, and just let anger and animosity brew inside you, you’re opening up the door for a breakdown of trust.

Commit to doing something today that helps facilitate an even greater level of trust and communication with your spouse. Have an open and honest conversation with your spouse about the things that you both do that are damaging the kind of trust that you need in your union. During these conversations, don’t respond in anger. Instead, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and even slower to become angry.

Maintaining Intimacy

Hebrews 13:4 (TPT)
Honor the sanctity of your marriage and keep you vows of purity to one another, for God will judge sexual immorality in any form, whether single or married.

When approaching the topic of sex from a Biblical perspective, many people quickly become uncomfortable. After all, sexual intimacy is an incredibly private topic. We’re certainly not disputing that, but the fact remains that the Bible speaks often about the sexual intimacy that is supposed to be a part of your marriage.

One of the most dangerous things that you and your spouse can do is take steps that will damage the levels of sexual intimacy in your marriage. Let’s just be open and honest for a moment. God created the marriage, and God created sex. When He put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, one of the first things that He told them to do was to be fruitful and multiply. God wanted the first married couple to be intimate with one another.

In the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul speaks at length about the need for sexual intimacy in a marriage (chapter 7). One of the most damaging things you can do is to try to find some sort of sexual fulfillment outside of your marriage. This doesn’t have to simply mean an affair with someone else. Millions of Americans struggle with pornography addiction. When you give into those temptations, you’re damaging the intimate sanctity of your marriage.

Today, make the commitment that you will only find your sexual fulfillment from your partner. Anything outside of that is not only damaging to your marriage, but it’s contrary to God’s Word and His will for your marriage.

Setting the Tone for Love in Your Marriage

Colossians 4:6 (TPT)
Let every word you speak be drenched with grace and tempered with truth and clarity. For then you will be prepared to give a respectful answer to anyone who asks about your faith.

In order to better understand how to set the tone for love in your marriage, we’re going to look at the first part of this verse. Paul was talking about how to effectively share your faith with unbelievers, but the first part of the verse is a great example of how to speak to your spouse.

What kind of words do you commonly use in your marriage? Take a minute and really think about that question before proceeding with this study. Is your marriage filled with words of anger, bitterness, animosity, and strife? Or do you and your spouse constantly look for ways to tear one another down? In some cases, these harsh words can cross the line into verbal abuse. Even if they don’t reach that point, the presence of hurtful, insulting, degrading words cannot set a tone for love in your marriage.

In the famous book, “The Five Love Languages,” author Gary Chapman speaks about words of affirmation. For many people, their love language is hearing positive words from their significant others. Even if that’s not a love language for you and your partner, the presence of positive words in your marriage can greatly improve the atmosphere of your home.

Today, make a commitment that you’re going to remove negative words from your vocabulary, especially in regard to your spouse. Look for opportunities to build your partner up instead of tearing them down. Something as simple as a “you look nice today,” can have a major impact on your spouse’s self-worth and can sit the tone for their entire day.

Your marriage is one of the greatest gifts that God has given you. He joined you and your spouse together for a purpose. No, there is no quick way to “divorce proof” your marriage, but there are steps that you can take to build a Godly marriage that can stand the test of time.

A Closing Prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank You for my spouse. I know that You have brought us together for a divine purpose. Thank You for the love that we share and the love that You have for us. Help us to take the steps to solidify our marriage. In Christ’s name I ask these things, Amen.

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