The Bible talks a lot about marriage. With that in mind, lots of churches host marriage conferences and pastors and teaches often focus their teachings on how to have a good, Godly marriage. However, if you’re trying to navigate the waters of the dating world, you may feel like there is a lack of information available to you. While the Bible doesn’t talk about dating explicitly, there are multiple passages that we can look to in order to better understand how to date as a Christian.
The dating world today is much different than it was in Biblical days. In fact, our modern concepts of dating and courtship are nothing like they were in the days that the Bible was written. In ancient times, arranged marriages were the norm, which completely took away the concept of dating. When two sets of parents came to an agreement that they’re children would marry, there were no options. Instead, a business transaction took place, and the couple had their partners chosen for them.
Obviously, it’s hard for us to wrap our minds around that idea. Today, we have countless opportunities to meet other people, determine our compatibility with them, and then, if things go the way both parties want them to, marriage talks begin between the two people in the relationship.
As Christians, it’s important that we understand the Godly way to get from the first date to the wedding ceremony, if there is to be one. Dating is hard. If we’re being honest, it gets even harder when you try to do so while keeping Godly principles at the center of your relationship. In a world that promotes promiscuity and “playing the field,” it may seem like it’s impossible to be a Godly boyfriend or girlfriend, but that’s not the case.
Keep in mind, even though the way we date today didn’t happen in the Bible, God knew what the formation of relationships would look like in the 21st century. Since He is not limited by time and space, He has always been fully aware of the stress that you’re feeling while you try to take His approach to your dating life.
With so many options at your disposal, it may seem overwhelming. You may have friends and family members who want to “set you up” with someone. Perhaps you’re using an app that helps you meet people. Maybe you’re relying on social media connections, or you’re just hoping to hit things off with a coworker. Whatever your dating strategy looks like, it is imperative that you keep Jesus at the center of it all.
While the Bible doesn’t explicitly discuss what dating in the 21st century would look like, there are plenty of passages that we can look to in order to help us take a Godly approach to the world of dating. Discover more about them today.
It Starts with Loving God
1 John 4:8 (TPT)
The one who doesn’t love has yet to know God, for God is love.
If you feel like you’re “looking for love,” you may find yourself wondering why you just can’t find someone who truly makes you feel the things that you know you should feel. In order for us to truly understand how to love others, whether it’s platonically or romantically, it’s important that we build a firm foundation of the love that we have for God.
Our Heavenly Father is the embodiment of perfect love. When we build our lives on our love for Him, and we fully embrace His love for us, it becomes possible for us to love other people the way that He wants us to.
On the surface, this may seem like a strange concept. After all, if you’re trying to find love with another person, how does loving God impact that? The first aspect of this truth is based on the fact that a good relationship involves patience and grace. The person you date is not going to be perfect. He or she is going to come with quirks, habits, and other traits that may eventually annoy you. However, when you embrace Godly love in your own life, you can extend grace to your would-be partner.
Furthermore, having a passionate love for God promotes your ability to resist temptation. There are things that are not meant to take place outside of marriage (which we will discuss in a moment), and loving God is a powerful tool against temptations of all types.
Finally, when you build every part of your life on your love for God, you will make better decisions. Every day in a relationship is filled with decisions, and when you love God, you will be better at making all types of choices.
The Sex Talk
Hebrews 13:4 (TPT)
Honor the sanctity of marriage and keep your vows of purity to one another, for God will judge sexual immorality in any form, whether single or married.
It’s time to look at a topic that many Christians try their best to avoid. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for church leaders to shy away from this topic, because talking about sex makes us uncomfortable. However, the Bible discusses the importance of sexual morality from Genesis to Revelation. Jesus spoke often about the importance of obeying God’s standards for sexual relations, and virtually every other book of the Bible mentions it at some point or another.
Why do you think that is? It’s because God has always known that sexual temptation would always be one of the most difficult types of temptation for His people to avoid. He made sure that Scripture contained plenty of information about the importance of following His guidance on every topic, including sex.
When God made Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, He commanded them to be fruitful and multiply. That was the groundwork for God’s view on sex. It was meant to be between a husband and wife, and nothing beyond that.
One of the most difficult aspects of Godly dating involves keeping yourself sexually pure. When you connect with someone, share a physical attraction with them, and find yourself growing closer, it’s difficult to resist the temptation to take the relationship to another physical level. However, God’s Word is clear about the fact that God’s idea for sex is for it only to take place within a marriage.
Finding a partner who is on board with waiting for sex until after marriage can be difficult, which brings us to our final point.
Should Christians Date Non-Christians?
2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (TPT)
Don’t continue to team up with unbelievers in mismatched alliances, for what partnership is there between righteousness and rebellion? Who could mingle light with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and Satan? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
This passage of Scripture is hard for us to digest. Within these two verses, Paul doesn’t pull any punches about the types of relationships that Christians should seek. Obviously, there is nothing you can do about being around unbelievers. If you work, go to school, or take part in any type of activity, you’re going to mingle with non-believers. Additionally, there’s nothing wrong with being friends with unbelievers. However, Scripture teaches that the people closest to you should also be seekers of Christ.
Perhaps the most important aspect of Christian dating is found in dating another Christian. When you do that, the first two steps that we’ve discussed become much easier. When you find someone who loves God before he or she loves you, they will exhibit the same traits that you are trying to exhibit. When you find someone who wants to live according to God’s Word, avoiding sexual temptation is much easier, as you are both trying to live righteous lives.
A Closing Prayer:
Heavenly Father, help me to find someone who is as committed to seeking You as I am. Help me to find a Christian partner who will encourage me and help keep me accountable as I seek to do the same thing for them. I know that You have someone for me, and I want to be prepared to be the partner that they’re looking for. In Christ’s name, Amen.